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Poker rules texas hold em | ||
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Harper lee weinstock note: in last week's column, a christmas of good intentions, i confessed to being what my wife calls a "last minute man." this is a reference to my tendency to put off shopping until the last possible moment and has nothing to do with my sex life, contrary to what several confused emailers thought. a personal note to marvin in montgomery: i never referred to myself as a "last about a minute man." i don't care what you think you read. this week, my quest to get my shopping done early continues. ; i was still standing in the mall entranceway when i discovered that i had no idea what to do next. that's when i realized that it doesn't matter how early in the season you shop if you have no idea what you're shopping for. in other words: tis better to shop on december 24th with a gift in mind than to go two weeks early and walk around like a last minute man without a clue. shopping shouldn't be this much of a chore, i told myself, especially since i only had one person to shop for and that was my wife. fortunately for me and the people on our gift list ; , my wife does all the christmas shopping at our house because i've been known to choose gifts that have words like "processed beef product" on the label. frankly, i see nothing wrong with giving someone a nice beef stick for christmas. they can hammer nails with it, play baseball, kill bugs, prop open a door. why, my uncle buddy even eats the stuff! he says it's the gift that keeps on giving, whatever that means. i stopped in front of the large directory that listed every store in the mall. i'm a fairly intelligent man, i thought as my eyes went up and down the listing of shops. surely i can think of the perfect gift for the most important woman in my life. how hard can it be? look at all these stores. clothes. sporting goods. shoes. toys. jewelry. buffalo bob's outdoor emporium. hmm, wonder if she needs a new tackle box? why do men have such a difficult time shopping for women? i think it's because we know that no matter what we buy, no matter how much thought we put into it, no matter how cool we think it is, and no matter how much she pretends to like it at first, nine times out of ten it's going back to the store. i wish i had a nickel for every time i've heard, "this is really nice, honey. you did keep the receipt, didn't you?" the cavemen had it right. back then a man would just kill the first thing that came along that didn't kill him ; , then drag it home and present it to his woman. and the woman was glad to get it, by golly, even if she did have to skin and clean it herself! there was no return policy in one billion, bc, my friends. who said these people were primitive? i think they were brilliant. |